yesterday i had a pretty shit day.

by my standards at least. it was the worst day i’ve had since i moved out a few months ago. i got hardly any sleep. when i did sleep i had a nightmare about my old house being covered in faded blood stains. i woke up and was vile and confrontational at work and i ruined my friend’s leaving dinner party. i paid £3.80 for a single bus ticket back home before finding the £4.60 one i thought i’d lost in my back pocket.

i finished reading dolly parton's autobiography last week and one of the last things she says is to do this thing where you get 3 notebooks. in one, you write down everything that’s bad or pissing you off. in the next, you write down everything good in your life (including good things about twatty people). in the third you put down all your wishes and hopes for the future...

halfway from the bus stop to my house, i realise my backpack had been hanging open. i check inside to see nothing’s missing and it doesn’t appear to be. when i get home around midnight, i saw one notebook and decided to try dolly’s advice. it felt corny and stupid but i did it anyway. all in 14 pages of one a5 notebook, i wrote down absolutely everything i could think of and my palms and fingers were aching more and more. it just seemed to flow after a while.

the next part of the ritual said to hold your pages up to the “imaginary god light” and ask him to consider everything. then you’re to burn the pages and watch the ashes float up to heaven so he can rearrange them and put them into place. i did it all and actually did find it pretty cleansing. i felt a lot more placid and calm.

today, after having no reason to leave the house or use my wallet, i realise i actually can’t find it. it’s gone and lost. probably forever. there was about 3 quid at the most there. a few old sentimental train tickets. my driver’s licence and my debit card. i haven’t seen my wallet since the bus ride last night. if i’d realised that it was gone yesterday, i would have probably broken down and cried. as it is, i’m really ok about it all. it’s an inconvenience but shit happens. i can sort it out.

but still
UGh. sorry for the essay.

on another note, i've finished my vampire shoot and am editing the film. how's everyone else coming along?

dude I'm sorry Jono, things will get better, they always do.

that's really weird though, i went through the whole school day in a bad mood because i thought i had lost my wallet at a gas station the previous night. got home to find that it was in my work pants.

try looking in the pants you were wearing that day.

i did, and the ones i was wearing the day before that. ha. dammit.

losing your wallet or phone is such a crap thing and it really disrupts your whole energy flow until it is found or resolved. when i got back from the US, i couldnt find my debit card, i stripped my room coz i knew i didnt take it overseas and i was stressing for a whole week and although i got money out and made sure the card hadnt been ised, it was still stressful. Then when i went over my parents for dinner the next week it was sitting in the middle of the table and i was like like "MUM why the hell didnt you tell me?!?!"

and she said, "well thatll teach you to come around more often!"

bitch, i have dinner there once a week at the only time all of us can make it. WTF!

anyway, yes i feel for you jono that sucks

hahahaha your mom cracks me up with her stories.

your mum is funny. but i really doubt mine is at her house. unless she stole it. but i visit her loads anyway. cheeky bitch.

I lost my wallet like last year when I was HAMMERED! I managed to get people to buy drinks for me for the rest of the night so I just got drunker and therefore forgot I had lost it. I got a taxi home and obviously couldn't pay the guy because I didn't have a wallet, but in my state I didn't realise this. After my brother let me in (I couldn't get my keys in the door) I told him to ring the police because I couldn't get the taxi man to go away. He paid the guy and collected my phone from the back seat (I almost lost that too lol). It was a real joy remembering all this in the morning. Good times!

Thank God for Dolly P's advice eh Jono?